Life after loss

It's been a long time since I posted.   Here's why: 

My oldest son, Doug, died on May 17th of last year; my daughter, Susan, died on Nov 15th. My surviving child,  Damon, lived in Dubai until recently. Here's how I've described the journey since then - and - the ultimate surprise on the 28th. 

When Doug died, I went to the bottom of the Grand Canyon, but I could see light at the top, so I began the slow walk up the steep side. I slipped, took steps backwards, but kept moving forward. As I got near the top, I lost Susan - and once again was at the bottom of the canyon. I'm slowly walking the trail again - and I can see the
light at the top. It is harder this time - I grieve for two of my children - - but not only is there light at the top - I know I'll make it. I never understood how important it was for family members who lost loved ones during times of war to finally have dog tags, or some item to hold close. Now I know.

Thanks to all of you who stay in touch - send me messages - call and pray for
me - - it helps more than words can express. I'm climbing - - I'm climbing.

Sister Marie's note (my spiritual director at Red Plains Monastery:

Just keep on moving those feet. I pray that the Lord put some cleats on your boots to secure your holds each step of the way. May your Guardian Angel throw you a rope, tie you securely and never let go as she slowly draws you to the rim of that canyon, again. There will be other angels with you all the way up.

I'm rarely at a loss for words - but Saturday Jan 28th - - it happened.

Damon told me he was flying in to spend the weekend, before going to Houston for meetings. Soooo I went to the airport expecting to meet him (he had asked me to meet him in the airport - but that didn't trigger anything for me). I'm standing there when suddenly I see two little people running towards me saying "nana, nana"...it is Nicole and Brandon. Then I look up and there's Damon and Belen - - and the kids Dad, Gerald, and his girlfriend Kay walk up behind me. I'm stunned.  Go to youtube
(GrammyStout5)- you can see my reactions. I simply can't wrap my mind around
what is happening. They're here - - from Dubai. This is what has happened. 

The morning after I left Dubai, Damon got an email from a recruiter and the company president he'd interviewed with before going to Dubai - and there was interest on both sides. You've guessed the rest of the story. They negotiated/talked over the phone, got everything ironed out and Damon accepted the CFO position. He asked the recruiter (whom I know) and his Dad and Kay to keep it a secret - they did.  

They live onkt 20 miles from me and Damon started work on Monday, Jan 30^th,
in downtown OKC. Knowing Doug and Suz are looking down helps - but having Damon and family here is a wonderful gift - - and I'm so thankful. My prayers were
always to keep us safe and bring us together when it was the right time and I'm
so glad God decided NOW was the right time. I knew I would make it - but there
were days when it took everything I had to get thru the day and not succumb to
both the sadness and an intense feeling of being alone. 

I have wonderful friends, but there was something inside me that was so alone when I couldn't see/talk to Suz and talk w/Doug and Damon/family were in Dubai. Of course, for Damon it's been hard - - he lost his brother and sister.

Thanks to all of you who prayed, called, wrote and have stayed in touch. It has helped (and will continue). I know I'll have sad times and some sad days - - but just knowing my surviving child is close by sure does help. And, as you'll see in the video, I'd of been happy with Houston or San Francisco - - they're closer than Dubai

Thanks to technology, my granddaughter in Alaska and my granddaughter in Edmond now exchange txt msgs and fb posts  - - they are building the next generation of the Green/Pacheco family.

 

Comments

[Danielle Esparza]

Hi Kay! I am so sorry to hear about your losses. May you find comfort and joy with family now. I'll be praying for you!

Danielle

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