Kay Stout

Ready To Make A Career Change?

The Help - in society, in the workplace, in families

The movie "The Help" is getting noticed because people who see it, recommend it to everyone they know. That's called cinema networking. It happened with The BlindSide. And, like The BlindSide, there are many story layers to The Help.

I didn't grow up in the south, but I remember the 60's culture very well. Bridge clubs, pearls, the right clothes, the right address and, most importantly, the right husband. As a woman, your social status was directly tied to WHO you married and WHERE you lived.

Taking the lessons to be learned from The Help into the workplace, there are many similarities, even today. From my point of view, here are a few:

Some companies have an unwritten "class" rule - - senior management does not fraternize with the employees. It is just understood by the current employees and a lesson quickly learned by new employees.

Unfortunately, "Hilly" is alive and well - - and she may be working with you. It helps if you understand he/she is just plain mean spirited. The person is not reasonable, may hold a position of authority and can, in general, make your life and everyone else's miserable. It helps if you remember to not take it personally.

Thank heavens for the "Skeeters" of this world. They see a wrong that needs to be fixed and they do it. If you work with a Skeeter, you will probably have to make a choice as to whether you get involved with their project or you try to walk the middle of the road until you see if they're going to be successful. Different strokes for different folks. Some readers will decide to step out and support Skeeter, others will wait. There's no one right answer.

And, of course, there's Aibileen and Minny who, along with Skeeter, change everything. If you know one of them (or you realize you are one of them), then you are an integral part of change in your company. The Help has lessons for all of us.

New Yorker - A Woman's Place - Sandberg & Zuckerberg

The July 11th edition of The New Yorker has an article by Ken Auletta entitled A Woman's Place.  Go to www.newyorker.com. 

Before you decided TO NOT read it, do not let the title turn you away.  For those of us who've been told to stay in our place - - the title conjures up unpleasant memories.  Ken's article explores the world of women at the C-level in corporations.  While their stories are compelling, they have little reference to world of work for those women who have children, are paid by-the-hour and, in total, make a significant contribution to a company's profitability, but cannot afford the at-home, personal support described by women such as Sheryl Sandberg.

Like apples and oranges - there are similarities.  However, the differences outweigh them.  At the C-Level (or senior management), for those women who choose to be Moms, they will need the support of others on the home front if they're willing to invest the time and energy to work their way up the corporate ladder.

It is at this point that the road will divide as a result of each person's personal belief in the statement "You can have it all".   That statement, for me, is true if there is an addition or "but" added.   You can have it all, but not at one time.  When children are young - they require someone to be responsible for the children's whereabouts and safety.  Live-in nannies or grandparents can be that necessary resource.  Baby-sitter/day care resources have limited time/limited hours  - - and only work for those who have set hours and/or a regular schedule. 

So - read the report in The New Yorker, make your own decisions about A Woman's Place and we can talk about wage disparity another time.

 

 

 

Local Oklahoma City Resident Recognized for Mentorship http://ping.fm/iwrk6

Captain Mike Abrashoff - - It's Your ship

Had the opportunity to listen to Mike today.  He was the keynote luncheon speaker at the Oklahoma SHRM Conference in Norman.   Here's a link to a youtube that gives an overview of what he accomplished.  Amazing results of his management style that changed the lives of 300+ military personnel.

As a member of the OKHR BlogSquad (#okhr)...I interviewed Mike after lunch.  In between signing autographs, here are the questions I asked - and the answers he gave:

#1)  What has been the most rewarding achievement since leaving the ship.  His answer:  Starting 3 small companies, one of which is owned by veteran who has minority contract advantage.  When I asked why he considered this achievement so important, his answer was:  I help create jobs for Americans.

#2  Where does he see himself in 3 -5 years.  Answer:  Continuing to speak to others so they'll know they, too, can be leaders who shape the future of those with whom they work.

#3)  How many of your former sailors stay in touch?  Answer:  200+ 

#4)  What is the key ingredient for success as a leader/manager?  Answer:  Be visible to your people, help them do their jobs and show that you care.

As he closed his speech, it was clear he still gets emotional when he talks about leaving the ship.  He did not have a big, audacious ceremony.  He looked them in the eye - said  "You know how I feel"  - - Saluted - - then got in a small boat to go to shore.  He later learned there wasn't a dry eye on the ship when he left.  That says it all.

Now that you've read the above, add this to the equation:  He did not select WHO would be on his ship - he had to work with what he had inherited. Hmmmmmmmmmm  so all those pre-employee screenings, hire to skill set options are only important if they're followed up with a leadership style like Mike's.  This book should be on your desk:  It's Your Ship - Management Techniques from the Best Damn Ship in the Navy. 

Parade Magazine - Low Cut Tops - Cleavage and Common Sense

I recently had the opportunity to sit and watch people come through the door to go to work in an 18 story office building.  Many of the tenant companies are recognized corporate names, but to look at the attire of the people coming through the doors, you would have thought most of them, especially the women, worked for the cleaning crew.

I made a quick check sheet - men on one side - women on the other with a plus or minus each time someone came through the door.  Of the 40 men who came through the door, 3 could have improved their appearance.  Their clothes were either rumpled or they looked as though they'd just jumped out of bed.  Of the 65 women who came through the door, 55 of them could have improved their appearance.   The numbers tell the story. 

Today, reading Parade Magazine, I saw the following question written by a man:

"Someone in my office wears low-cut tops that are inappropriate for work.  I don't know where to look when I talk to her".   It's a tough call for a guy.  If he looks - he may get slapped with sexual harassment; if he doesn't look at her - she may go to HR saying she is being ignored.

His question confirmed what I had witnessed.  Women want to be taken seriously, but their attire conveys an entirely different message.    Seriously!!!!!  Women do themselves (and other women) a tremendous disservice when they do not dress appropriately.  Professional athletes would not think of showing up to play a game dressed inappropriately.  They get it - and a paycheck as well.  The world of work is no different.  If you get a paycheck - dress as a professional.  For women, leave cleavage and short skirts for off-hurs; men - - don't flaunt your abs.

What we wear makes a statement.  Good or bad - it is a visual that says a great deal to the person looking at us.  I cannot ever remember having to look away because a male co-worker had ripped abs you could see because his shirt was unbuttoned, but I can't count the number of women I've had to advise because they didn't get the "cleavage/legs memo. 

The world of work is competitive.  If you want to play the game - dress the part.  Men you get an A+ in this category.  Women - - D- at best.

Women and Inequality in Pay

I'm not referring to the apparent flagrant inequity that appears to be a cornerstone of the Wal-Mart lawsuit.

There will always be inequity in pay - - and usually the inequity is on the side of women because they are, most of the time, the designated primary care-giver once they become a parent. 

I think where the equal/balancing act gets skewed is in the importance a parent plays in the life of a child.  Once you're a parent, YOU view your career differently (even if you do not want to admit it in writing or publicly).

For a few, they will hire nannies or have extended family that plays the role either of primary care-giver during working hours - or emergency care giver when the child is sick, school gets cancelled, etc.

But - for the vast majority of women - they will make the conscious (and correct) decision to put their career in 2nd place because their child needs them NOW.  It won't matter what project is due, what deadline may be missed or meeting not attended - - they will be with their child.

Most men do not face this challenge - and consequently - by upper management - - they are seen as the contributors who will always be ready to work the extra hours, do whatever it takes, to get the job done.  Ask a room full of men and women at work (between Sept & May) what they're most concerned about every day between 3:15 - 3:45.  90% of the women will say they're waiting to hear from their children that they are home safe.  Most of the men will answer along the lines of working on whatever is in front of them. 

The world of work is like athletic competition - - it is a game.  The biggest difference is the work game lasts for years - - athletic competitions only last for short periods of time, followed by long periods of down-time.

I've never had a client say they were glad they put their company first - - but I've had 100+ rue the fact they missed too much of their child's growing up and they cannot go back and relive it. 

For most of us, our children are our legacy, not our career.

OKHR Blog Squad Members Announced http://ping.fm/ZYgyI

Getting Along - in the workplace -

People are working longer.  It looks as though they'll raise the retirement age to 70 (for now).  Companies will become more diverse and the greatest challenge will be older/experienced workers managed by younger, well-educated professionals.  And age matters.  By that I mean, the older worker brings knowledge (and sometimes a set way of doing things); the younger worker brings new ideas, a fresh set of eyes (and a resistance to suggestions from those who are older).

It has many of the characteristics of the military.  Junior grade officers are usually younger than many of their subordinates.  The advantage for the military, is people wear their rank on their shoulder (or sleeves) and show respect according to rank.  In the civilian world, the rank isn't as obvious and the respect has to be earned.  Dr. Ken Eastman, Professor @ Oklahoma State University,  defined the differences as:

Civilian - no authority (it must be earned based on leadership, ability to work with a team)

Military - authority driven (rank is respected first, person second)

Whenever I'm working with someone who is older than their manager, it becomes clear that mutual respect is the most difficult to retain.  Yet, without it, dissension will be a condition-of-the-day.  Good news????  When you do resolve the tension, the results will be amazing.

Add to this mix those two fearful words, stuck together  - sexual harassment - no wonder there is tension in the workplace. 

There are workable solutions - but if it takes 2 to tango, it most assuredly takes 2 to get along.

 

 

Volunteer - Make a Difference

We all have defining moments in our personal lives and our careers.  Recently I had the opportunity to share my story with 400+ RSVP volunteers.   Here's the clip - - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62K1nJtIH9A

Discover Oklahoma City - like this Washington Post reporter did. http://tinyurl.com/3e2sn48