Kay Stout

Ready To Make A Career Change?

Second Chance Sarge

Sarge  - drafted for service at the Norman’s Veteran Center

 S
Sarge, a rescued dog, had a royal welcome at the Norman Veterans Center on October 19^th.  Second Chance Animal Sanctuary rescued him from a local shelter.  Mickey, Second Chance trainer, described him as somewhat ornery when he first saw him, but he was also super sweet and had tons of energy.   Second Chance works with the Friends for Folks training program at the Joseph Harp Correctional Center in Lexington, OK.   

The residents at the Norman Veterans Center had recently said “goodbye” to Little Bit – a four-legged, tail-wagging , lovable dog that had been a resident for 10  years.   There was a huge hole that needed to be filled – and Sarge was the answer.  Dr John Otto, a Norman veterinarian who works closely with Friends for Folks said:  “It’s such a gift to take an animal that was not wanted, take the inmates, who a lot of them aren’t wanted, bring them together, and have them produce something good.

In a letter written by the inmate who trained Sarge, he said: “I am a veteran myself, I felt it was an honor to train him for you….Sarge has lots of love and joy to give and in time, his paw prints will grow.  He will find his own special place in your hearts, just like he did to many of us here” .   Inmate Miller placed a POW-MIA name tag on Sarge.

Kay Stout, Executive Director of Second Chance said:  “It is beyond words to understand that a dog once homeless, in a shelter, scheduled to be euthanized is now being loved by men and women who have served our country.  We gave him a second chance and now he will have the best life possible”. 

This Veterans Day – remember those who serve our country and Sarge – who got a second chance at life.

 

Kay Stout, Executive Director

Executive_director@secondchancenorman.com

405-321-1915

Live on the internet - - forever - -

Dear Mrs. Stout,

As I searched for resume information for my son. I ran across your sample “resume” for “Joe Corn”
( http://jobsearch.about.com/library/samples/blresumeaccomplish.htm). Something
immediately caught my eye; I never would have thought I would ever see the town
named “Gotebo” anywhere on the internet! I read that ole “Joe Corn” had gone to Gotebo University in Gotebo, Texas.
 
 Wow! Joe was an outstanding man: MBA from Gotebo U.; CEO of Gotebo Business Plan Competition, Member of Gotebo MBAA Club, and Gotebo Alumni Association. I’m sure these are just a few of the many accomplishments Joe attained! Joe’s resume gave me a great laugh; I wish some of my family could have been here to share your fictitious Joe's resume!!! 

I’m writing for two reasons. One is to tell you what a hoot this sample resume is (for me) and how well done it is. Second, I am curious if you personally have any kind of connection with Gotebo, or did you chose Gotebo because it was such a comical name? (As a child I was so embarrassed when asked where my grandmother
lived...the name Gotebo was such a joke back then!)

The word Gotebo popped out at me because my parents were from Gotebo in their younger lives. I spent many, many summers as a child in that little town. I had aunts, uncles, and grandparents who lived in Gotebo until their deaths. My cousins were raised in Gotebo but moved away as they got older. My parents taught school at Lake
Valley which is near Gotebo. I had relatives in Mountain View, 7 miles from
Gotebo. My dad lived in Cloud Chief as a young man before he married my mom.
Many relatives are buried in the Sharon Cemetery next to the Sharon Baptist
Church on the highway north of Gotebo.

I’m 62 years old and the youngest of all the grandchildren. Except for a few second cousins, all relatives have passed way. No longer will anyone find the family names of Waggoner, Humphries, McDonald, Squires, Eskew, Feeser, Newton, or Shrum residing in Gotebo. As for the town, it is nothing but the ruins of what used to be a bustling town.

Gotebo is officially listed as a ghost town on www.ghosttowns.com.  A visitor will see only the remains of an old defunct town; but...............through my childhood eyes, I see businesses, a cotton gin, the post office, Ruby’s Diner and a general
store. My “little girl eyes” show me the movie theater, the school house, Red’s Meat Market, The Gotebo Record news office, people visiting and taking care of business, and I can see the homes of my relatives as well as homes of other residents in this tight-knitted little town. I bet as I drift off to sleep in a little while I will still
see parts of a simple life in Gotebo even with my “big girl eyes” shut
tight!

For a little bit of time tonight, Gotebo is alive and kickin’ in my mind. Thank you for being the catalyst that brought those memories to the surface. It’s been a good evening!

 

Life after loss

It's been a long time since I posted.   Here's why: 

My oldest son, Doug, died on May 17th of last year; my daughter, Susan, died on Nov 15th. My surviving child,  Damon, lived in Dubai until recently. Here's how I've described the journey since then - and - the ultimate surprise on the 28th. 

When Doug died, I went to the bottom of the Grand Canyon, but I could see light at the top, so I began the slow walk up the steep side. I slipped, took steps backwards, but kept moving forward. As I got near the top, I lost Susan - and once again was at the bottom of the canyon. I'm slowly walking the trail again - and I can see the
light at the top. It is harder this time - I grieve for two of my children - - but not only is there light at the top - I know I'll make it. I never understood how important it was for family members who lost loved ones during times of war to finally have dog tags, or some item to hold close. Now I know.

Thanks to all of you who stay in touch - send me messages - call and pray for
me - - it helps more than words can express. I'm climbing - - I'm climbing.

Sister Marie's note (my spiritual director at Red Plains Monastery:

Just keep on moving those feet. I pray that the Lord put some cleats on your boots to secure your holds each step of the way. May your Guardian Angel throw you a rope, tie you securely and never let go as she slowly draws you to the rim of that canyon, again. There will be other angels with you all the way up.

I'm rarely at a loss for words - but Saturday Jan 28th - - it happened.

Damon told me he was flying in to spend the weekend, before going to Houston for meetings. Soooo I went to the airport expecting to meet him (he had asked me to meet him in the airport - but that didn't trigger anything for me). I'm standing there when suddenly I see two little people running towards me saying "nana, nana"...it is Nicole and Brandon. Then I look up and there's Damon and Belen - - and the kids Dad, Gerald, and his girlfriend Kay walk up behind me. I'm stunned.  Go to youtube
(GrammyStout5)- you can see my reactions. I simply can't wrap my mind around
what is happening. They're here - - from Dubai. This is what has happened. 

The morning after I left Dubai, Damon got an email from a recruiter and the company president he'd interviewed with before going to Dubai - and there was interest on both sides. You've guessed the rest of the story. They negotiated/talked over the phone, got everything ironed out and Damon accepted the CFO position. He asked the recruiter (whom I know) and his Dad and Kay to keep it a secret - they did.  

They live onkt 20 miles from me and Damon started work on Monday, Jan 30^th,
in downtown OKC. Knowing Doug and Suz are looking down helps - but having Damon and family here is a wonderful gift - - and I'm so thankful. My prayers were
always to keep us safe and bring us together when it was the right time and I'm
so glad God decided NOW was the right time. I knew I would make it - but there
were days when it took everything I had to get thru the day and not succumb to
both the sadness and an intense feeling of being alone. 

I have wonderful friends, but there was something inside me that was so alone when I couldn't see/talk to Suz and talk w/Doug and Damon/family were in Dubai. Of course, for Damon it's been hard - - he lost his brother and sister.

Thanks to all of you who prayed, called, wrote and have stayed in touch. It has helped (and will continue). I know I'll have sad times and some sad days - - but just knowing my surviving child is close by sure does help. And, as you'll see in the video, I'd of been happy with Houston or San Francisco - - they're closer than Dubai

Thanks to technology, my granddaughter in Alaska and my granddaughter in Edmond now exchange txt msgs and fb posts  - - they are building the next generation of the Green/Pacheco family.

 

The Help - in society, in the workplace, in families

The movie "The Help" is getting noticed because people who see it, recommend it to everyone they know. That's called cinema networking. It happened with The BlindSide. And, like The BlindSide, there are many story layers to The Help.

I didn't grow up in the south, but I remember the 60's culture very well. Bridge clubs, pearls, the right clothes, the right address and, most importantly, the right husband. As a woman, your social status was directly tied to WHO you married and WHERE you lived.

Taking the lessons to be learned from The Help into the workplace, there are many similarities, even today. From my point of view, here are a few:

Some companies have an unwritten "class" rule - - senior management does not fraternize with the employees. It is just understood by the current employees and a lesson quickly learned by new employees.

Unfortunately, "Hilly" is alive and well - - and she may be working with you. It helps if you understand he/she is just plain mean spirited. The person is not reasonable, may hold a position of authority and can, in general, make your life and everyone else's miserable. It helps if you remember to not take it personally.

Thank heavens for the "Skeeters" of this world. They see a wrong that needs to be fixed and they do it. If you work with a Skeeter, you will probably have to make a choice as to whether you get involved with their project or you try to walk the middle of the road until you see if they're going to be successful. Different strokes for different folks. Some readers will decide to step out and support Skeeter, others will wait. There's no one right answer.

And, of course, there's Aibileen and Minny who, along with Skeeter, change everything. If you know one of them (or you realize you are one of them), then you are an integral part of change in your company. The Help has lessons for all of us.

New Yorker - A Woman's Place - Sandberg & Zuckerberg

The July 11th edition of The New Yorker has an article by Ken Auletta entitled A Woman's Place.  Go to www.newyorker.com. 

Before you decided TO NOT read it, do not let the title turn you away.  For those of us who've been told to stay in our place - - the title conjures up unpleasant memories.  Ken's article explores the world of women at the C-level in corporations.  While their stories are compelling, they have little reference to world of work for those women who have children, are paid by-the-hour and, in total, make a significant contribution to a company's profitability, but cannot afford the at-home, personal support described by women such as Sheryl Sandberg.

Like apples and oranges - there are similarities.  However, the differences outweigh them.  At the C-Level (or senior management), for those women who choose to be Moms, they will need the support of others on the home front if they're willing to invest the time and energy to work their way up the corporate ladder.

It is at this point that the road will divide as a result of each person's personal belief in the statement "You can have it all".   That statement, for me, is true if there is an addition or "but" added.   You can have it all, but not at one time.  When children are young - they require someone to be responsible for the children's whereabouts and safety.  Live-in nannies or grandparents can be that necessary resource.  Baby-sitter/day care resources have limited time/limited hours  - - and only work for those who have set hours and/or a regular schedule. 

So - read the report in The New Yorker, make your own decisions about A Woman's Place and we can talk about wage disparity another time.

 

 

 

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Captain Mike Abrashoff - - It's Your ship

Had the opportunity to listen to Mike today.  He was the keynote luncheon speaker at the Oklahoma SHRM Conference in Norman.   Here's a link to a youtube that gives an overview of what he accomplished.  Amazing results of his management style that changed the lives of 300+ military personnel.

As a member of the OKHR BlogSquad (#okhr)...I interviewed Mike after lunch.  In between signing autographs, here are the questions I asked - and the answers he gave:

#1)  What has been the most rewarding achievement since leaving the ship.  His answer:  Starting 3 small companies, one of which is owned by veteran who has minority contract advantage.  When I asked why he considered this achievement so important, his answer was:  I help create jobs for Americans.

#2  Where does he see himself in 3 -5 years.  Answer:  Continuing to speak to others so they'll know they, too, can be leaders who shape the future of those with whom they work.

#3)  How many of your former sailors stay in touch?  Answer:  200+ 

#4)  What is the key ingredient for success as a leader/manager?  Answer:  Be visible to your people, help them do their jobs and show that you care.

As he closed his speech, it was clear he still gets emotional when he talks about leaving the ship.  He did not have a big, audacious ceremony.  He looked them in the eye - said  "You know how I feel"  - - Saluted - - then got in a small boat to go to shore.  He later learned there wasn't a dry eye on the ship when he left.  That says it all.

Now that you've read the above, add this to the equation:  He did not select WHO would be on his ship - he had to work with what he had inherited. Hmmmmmmmmmm  so all those pre-employee screenings, hire to skill set options are only important if they're followed up with a leadership style like Mike's.  This book should be on your desk:  It's Your Ship - Management Techniques from the Best Damn Ship in the Navy. 

Parade Magazine - Low Cut Tops - Cleavage and Common Sense

I recently had the opportunity to sit and watch people come through the door to go to work in an 18 story office building.  Many of the tenant companies are recognized corporate names, but to look at the attire of the people coming through the doors, you would have thought most of them, especially the women, worked for the cleaning crew.

I made a quick check sheet - men on one side - women on the other with a plus or minus each time someone came through the door.  Of the 40 men who came through the door, 3 could have improved their appearance.  Their clothes were either rumpled or they looked as though they'd just jumped out of bed.  Of the 65 women who came through the door, 55 of them could have improved their appearance.   The numbers tell the story. 

Today, reading Parade Magazine, I saw the following question written by a man:

"Someone in my office wears low-cut tops that are inappropriate for work.  I don't know where to look when I talk to her".   It's a tough call for a guy.  If he looks - he may get slapped with sexual harassment; if he doesn't look at her - she may go to HR saying she is being ignored.

His question confirmed what I had witnessed.  Women want to be taken seriously, but their attire conveys an entirely different message.    Seriously!!!!!  Women do themselves (and other women) a tremendous disservice when they do not dress appropriately.  Professional athletes would not think of showing up to play a game dressed inappropriately.  They get it - and a paycheck as well.  The world of work is no different.  If you get a paycheck - dress as a professional.  For women, leave cleavage and short skirts for off-hurs; men - - don't flaunt your abs.

What we wear makes a statement.  Good or bad - it is a visual that says a great deal to the person looking at us.  I cannot ever remember having to look away because a male co-worker had ripped abs you could see because his shirt was unbuttoned, but I can't count the number of women I've had to advise because they didn't get the "cleavage/legs memo. 

The world of work is competitive.  If you want to play the game - dress the part.  Men you get an A+ in this category.  Women - - D- at best.

Women and Inequality in Pay

I'm not referring to the apparent flagrant inequity that appears to be a cornerstone of the Wal-Mart lawsuit.

There will always be inequity in pay - - and usually the inequity is on the side of women because they are, most of the time, the designated primary care-giver once they become a parent. 

I think where the equal/balancing act gets skewed is in the importance a parent plays in the life of a child.  Once you're a parent, YOU view your career differently (even if you do not want to admit it in writing or publicly).

For a few, they will hire nannies or have extended family that plays the role either of primary care-giver during working hours - or emergency care giver when the child is sick, school gets cancelled, etc.

But - for the vast majority of women - they will make the conscious (and correct) decision to put their career in 2nd place because their child needs them NOW.  It won't matter what project is due, what deadline may be missed or meeting not attended - - they will be with their child.

Most men do not face this challenge - and consequently - by upper management - - they are seen as the contributors who will always be ready to work the extra hours, do whatever it takes, to get the job done.  Ask a room full of men and women at work (between Sept & May) what they're most concerned about every day between 3:15 - 3:45.  90% of the women will say they're waiting to hear from their children that they are home safe.  Most of the men will answer along the lines of working on whatever is in front of them. 

The world of work is like athletic competition - - it is a game.  The biggest difference is the work game lasts for years - - athletic competitions only last for short periods of time, followed by long periods of down-time.

I've never had a client say they were glad they put their company first - - but I've had 100+ rue the fact they missed too much of their child's growing up and they cannot go back and relive it. 

For most of us, our children are our legacy, not our career.

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